I should be happy living a good family with good parents who always care about me. But once a while, we always had quarrels about some unrealistic things. I wasn't quite happy this whole week which I supposed that I should be. I just manage to pass all my subjects in my 2 years diploma. I should be very happy and quite anxious that something would befall me this week. I really hope that my hard work would really pay off some day. The whole week was quite a dull day for me as it's like the usual me going to college and come back staying at home most of the time. Waiting for the end of the week hoping that my parents would bring me to some where for outing maybe? But eventually it turn out a disaster.
A big disatrous happening in my family just like a tornado just moments ago.Is it that selfish to say that I hope for some outings after a long period of studies? I just wish my family and I could go somewhere for outings or a trip maybe. Just hoping that maybe we could take a cruise to the deep blue sea or maybe just hanging around in some places for some delicacies like go to Melaka for a day trip for food or taking photos of our family. I wonder how long it had been the last time we went out to a trip.
I am feeling just like this picture now, the rain falling on to me while I am feeling so much sadness at this moment.I know that me and my dad both always had bad temper. We always had clashes among our arguements and the one who always calm us is either my sister or my caring mother. They know our attitude the best that's why they know how to handle us pretty well. But if both my dad and I are left alone in the house. No one knows what would had happened. I know when I am when my stubborn and bad temper aura is on, then, it's quite hard for me to control myself with my words. I will eventually hurt someone with the way I speak even to some of my friends maybe. But I am trying hard myself to control it. It's hard but I will not give up trying.
Like father like son, he too is quite stubborn and had bad tempers. With the two of us, there is always clashes just like thunders. I know my dad is a good dad or maybe like a hero to me, and he always try to get us the most good stuffs we ever had in our family. But there is time when we quarrel, he will also use some words which is harsh to me, my sister and even my mom the most. My mom always had to endure all the harsh words that he spit out. Nevertheless, we all know that he wasn't intending of doing that himself.
But there is things which I don't quite like about my dad. He always treat my relatives better than treating his own son. Why is this happening? Shouldn't it be dad treat his own son better than others? I am his son and yet he treat my nephew better than me. Always buying him stuffs and even bring him to swimming pool to play every week. What about me? I am really jealous and envy about this. Why can't my dad do that to me? Bringing me out to some place which I want to go.
It's not that I hate my dad. It's just the way I don't like it. I just want to have some care from my dad. Even though my nephew is small but many people especially my dad is treating him like a golden child. Wher ever he wants to go, my dad will bring him along. But how about me? All my dad answers was most probably "You are big now, you have your own life". Where have the family been too? Relatives is more important than family? What nonsense is this? My dad Feel more calm and less sad after writting out. Maybe it's a good way to release my sadness by writting. Cheers to myself and tomorrow is another good day hopefully.
October 18, 2009 at 12:23 AM
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October 18, 2009 at 6:41 AM
hey bro. How can you be jealous of your little naphew? you are 24 of age, how can you compare yourself with a kid? perhaps, you still want your dad to buy you ice creams? and take you to the zoo?. Oh well, i think you should get over it. you are not a kid anymore. if you want to stay like that. i guess i have nothing to said. Time to live like and adult and make your own decisions bro.
anyway. old ppl generally like to play with kids hehe. they miss those time nurturing you. i'm glad your dad decided to let go and treat you like an adult. you should let go too. perhaps you can find a better understanding with your dad. try to see things in a bigger picture aight?
cheers
October 19, 2009 at 3:01 PM
It is weird in a way. When we are kids we love to act older than we are - but when we grow up we miss the fuss and safe feeling our parents gave us. Inside we are still small children and we would love the attention we used to have.
But when that is written, we also need to be realistic. As anonymous wrote; see things in a bigger picture.
Maybe first of all - accept your parents as normal human beings - just like yourself. I assume they've always done what they think is right - just like you. They don't have the solution to everything - just like you. But most important - forgive yourself for feeling this way. It is normal - just don't let it take over and ruin what good moments you could have had - after all. Maybe you and your father could find something new - that you could do together? Maybe you need to learn to know each other all over again - this time as adults? Maybe you could take your nephew swimming or join them??
Anyway - I recognize this feeling - and I am 41 years old .. :o) Time to find other things to focus the energy on - I guess.
All the best!! Good luck!!